The Last 12 Minutes.

Half asleep, contemplating whether or not to tell you how I really feel. Sometimes it's like I'm the only one who truly loved, and still loves you. I'm the only one who understands you and tries to listen to every story you have to tell, regardless of how much sense it doesn't make. I'm one of the people who believe in you and your dreams, how much you want to change, even though you're perfect to me. Always remember that I have never, and never will hold your past against you. There is nothing you could possibly do to make me hate you.

The thing is, I don't want to be selfish and tie you down. If you're happy with another, then your happiness is my happiness; if you'll love me, it'll happen in time.

I do not want to lose you again; you move on too fast. The possibility that I could be a part of your past, something that just happened and left a scar, is an idea I would never want to think of. No. I am learning to accept being one of your close friends. Having time with you without any commitment, no pressure. It's better. These are the things I want to say, but can not. I have yet to gather all my courage to confront you with my emotions.

Maybe I already am a part of your past, I just never noticed because I keep on unconsciously pushing myself to you.

These words shall remain unspoken. Some say it's true love, but what exactly is it?

Still On The Brighter Side.

Is it too early to round up everything that's happened to me this year?

For a start, January of 2012 was rough for me. You know, dealing with a recent break-up, figuring out what to do next, rebuilding myself for the rest of the year. Those things. I spent the next month still trying to do that and I just seemed to fail. Each. And. Every. Time. March came along and started off pretty well. I turned my cheek, and the odds were at my favor. It was a great month, although I forgot what went down. All I know is: it was great.

Now, summer. It was DRAMA from then on. It was all of my fault, really. Thanks to my laziness and lack of time management, my school requirements weren't done on time which caused me to cry in front of my adviser, begging and pleading. It was humiliating. Worst moment ever. On the plus side, I got to tour around Manila and Tagaytay. So it was like the candy treat after my appointment to the dentist. A traumatizing, scar-leaving appointment. Ooooh, and it was also the time I finally realized I was fat and started to adjust my diet. Look at me now! Still fat. Kind of. Stop judging me.

Aaaaaand June arrived, which only meant one thing: School Year! Yes, that time of the year where we go to school excited, peeing our pants, and rolling around like potatoes looking for our other potato friends. The rest of the school year was fine. Like most students, I just went because of my friends. Cliche.

And now it's December. Another year will be ending, and I still have unresolved problems. Oh well, there's still 2013, right? Things are a little confusing lately, but I'll make through it. 'Got to love 2012.

Melancholy.

          Every once in a while, we meet a person who all of a sudden means so much to us, without us noticing it. It just happens overtime, like cancer, but in a good way.  We just find ourselves doing everything in our will to hold on to that person. Even if it means standing aside and letting that person decide if they want to stay.

          

          Sometimes, they won’t… And that part hurts. *A lot.* You feel the hurt because in reality, there were promises that were broken and memories that you still hold on to. Having that feeling that nothing so good will ever happen again is a nightmare. Thinking, “Hey, maybe things will be okay, and we’ll be together again.” But you wait. And wait. And wait. Until that person finds their way to another person’s heart. *Arrows, arrows everywhere that just aims at nothing but your heart. *No, this isn't cupid aiming, but life. Life just likes to play harsh games.* Then you start to create this make-believe situation that one sweet day, that person will eventually come back. You just keep on building the highest tower of expectations, only to realize that there’s no chance of romance ever again. That tower just crashes down with clouds of regret, disappointment, and the thought of fooling yourself. You start to wonder how to build it up again. More importantly, how do you build yourself again? 

          At most parts, it begins with bitterness. All the angers and frustrations come out unexpectedly and uncontrollably, like vomit… Which makes sense ‘cause vomit is bitter. And before you know it, people around you are also affected, which isn't healthy at all. It only brings a vibe of negativity. 

          

          Then, you create a mindset of being a good-sport. Acting like you’re happy, like nothing ever happened. But hey, who are you kidding? This person has been one of your greatest joys, your love. You have become so attached, you break down every time you think of the past. As time passes by, you just get sad all over again. You see, finding the road to recovery isn't easy. Often times, you see yourself where you have started. You just have to stop for a while and THINK. No matter how much you loved that person, remember to love yourself more.

          

          You may not show your love anymore, but the simple act of letting go and letting that person be happier with someone else, is the greatest sign of love.